Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
