When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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