I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize