So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This house was built for laser tag.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
