i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
