I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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