If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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