Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
