just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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