so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
