And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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