so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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