I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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