its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
