don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
