Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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