Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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