Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
