WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
