I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
