Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
