No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He passed out mid-signature
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
