if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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