you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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