am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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