My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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