Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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