Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
