Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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