i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
