just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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