We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
