I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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