True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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