I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
