you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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