Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
...so i touched it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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