your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
