At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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