I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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