Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
