Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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