Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize