You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
