im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
