Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
