Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
