I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
