i permit you to call me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
