There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
