Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
