Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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