Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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