I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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