Christians are straight up FREAKS
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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