Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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