ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
