Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
