Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
