Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
