So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
