he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do vagina's smell?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
