I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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