I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
