im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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