I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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