my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you never un-have a 4some
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
