When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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