the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
