chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My liver just had a heart attack.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
