Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
