so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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