either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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