I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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